Get off your horse and drink your milk. You’re in for Wild West adventure and last man standing makes the tea!
“You vicious bastard.” Tara’s voice fractured. “I can’t believe you just did that!” Roo had punched her in the face, knocking her sideways. Tara spilled her precious ruby as she was propelled into the caboose. Roo suddenly realised his mistake. His eyes widened. From deep in the folds of her skirt Tara drew a revolver and fired. Roo could not hide his surprise: “You shot me!”
We’ve just managed to get mid way through the second round and this game has kicked off!
Designed by Christophe Raimbault, Colt Express has been on the market since 2014 and on my shelf for nearly as long, and I now deeply regret that I didn’t pull the lid off of this box of merriment years ago. I have been making up for it recently with 10 plays in as many months. And let me tell you, every play has been a blast.
The 3D board, the eponymous train, is a stroke of marketing genius. Yes, it’s gimmicky- a traditional 2D board would have worked well, in fact there would be less ‘fiddle’ but, oh, when you see the train ‘rolling’ through the prairie, complete with boulders and cacti, you’ll be getting your John Wayne on big time, even if you don’t know who John Wayne was.
First, choose your stereotype. Yep, they’re all here- the gunslinger, the native, Doc. (Holiday?), Tuco, the Mexican bandit (from The Good, the bad and the ugly?), Belle (Belle Starr?) fresh from the saloon and so on. And they each have their own ‘skill’ to aid them in their quest for loot. Nice touch. Already, the well worn cowboy cliches are flying around the table. Hey, when else do you get the opportunity to call your significant other a “lowdown, no-good, yellow-bellied varmint.” Yeehaw!
Next, draw a hand of 6 cards (Doc starts with 7) that picture the actions you can take in the round, such as stealing loot, punching or shooting another character as well as moving through the carriages or even climbing on the roof. You can also move the Marshall to worry your opponents. He’s the Wyatt Earp - mean and ruthless.
At the heart of this game is a programmed movement mechanic. During the first phase of a round players, in turn, will play their action cards face up or down, as determined by the round card, onto a communal ‘action deck’. When the action deck is complete the second phase commences. The first player turns the deck over and executes the cards. Everyone else, grab some popcorn, sit back, relax and watch the action unfold.
Roo, holding his injured arm, slumped down onto the slat bench in the corner of the carriage. Nathalie seized the moment. She had been eying up a nearby bag of loot when she saw Tara’s ruby hit the carriage floor and tumble towards her. In a fraction of a second she had snatched it up and slipped it into a small leather pouch swinging from her waist. Then all hell broke loose. Splinters of wood and bullets flew in all directions as the Marshall smashed through the carriage door, guns a blazing. He was clearly in no mood for belligerent banditry. Both Nathalie and Roo were shocked into action. Nathalie felt the sharp sting of a bullet graze her arm as she made for the nearest window. The Marshall took aim at Roo and fired off a shot. A splash of blood splattered the window as the bullet clipped Roo’s leg, eliciting a sharp cry of pain, as he too scrambled up and out of sight. It’s not often that the safest place on a speeding train is the roof.
I dislike programming games. They are too chaotic for my tastes. Robo Rally springs to mind. It didn’t work for me. You have only a little more control over the action in Colt Express. Action cards are played sequentially rather than simultaneously- a good design choice, so at times you will have some information to make more thoughtful action selections. Player agency is further compromised by the draw of action cards at the start of the round. You don’t always get what you want. Further, as the game progresses, your hand fills up with useless bullet cards. As the game progresses the bandits begin limping around the train in various states of bullet induced distress. Ha ha. The end game might be more like Cowboy Zombies (IMDb 2.4/10) than Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. So, if you enjoy more command over your game then give this a miss.
A round of Colt Express is chaotic, but wonderfully chaotic. And, you know what? The experience I enjoyed soars above any criticisms I have. Colt Express is SO MUCH FUN! On one level you are cartoon villains robbing a train, on another level you are John Ford filming a climactic scene in a Wild West movie. The game provides the tropes. The players direct the action. Win or lose, you will remember the experience with a smile.
